To send or not to send

To Kindergarten, that is.

Anyone who knows me well, knows the seriousness I place on this issue. In fact, I’ve probably talked your ear off about it over and over again. I’ve honestly debated the issue since Kyle was a wee little fetus in my belly. I knew he was going to be an August baby and would always be the youngest in his class.

I decided right then and there that I would probably hold him back a year and have him start Kindergarten when he was six. Just think of all the benefits: maturity, size, abilities. Plus, we’d never have to argue over dating and driving during the high school years. He’d always be the oldest.

I held firm to my decision in the Great Kindergarten Debate until approximately 6 months ago - until we moved here. And suddenly the decision became more complicated. After all, we live in the middle of nowhere. There’s only one preschool and it’s pretty tough to get in to. AND it costs a couple of grand per year. If I kept my guy home from school for another year, he just might go crazy.

The deadline here is in December. Meaning, he’s not going to be the youngest. I know that won’t always be case because we’ll move, but who wants their 6-year-old kindergartener going to school with 4-year-olds?

There isn’t quite the abundance of friends here that we’re used to, and all of his friends will be going to school next year. Meaning, no playdates if we decide to keep him home. And with a new little one in the house, mom’s energy and creativity just might not be up to par.

Plus, he’s ready. He knows his letters, his numbers. He can add. He’s learning to read. And he’s pretty darn tall for his age. He yearns for more friends, a more social and challenging environment.

And so it appears that my decision has been reversed. I think my little guy will be headed off to Kindergarten next year. And while I look forward to seeing him learn and thrive, and I look forward to volunteering in the school, I’ve already started having minor panic attacks.

I panic over the fact that Kevin and I will no longer have complete control. He’s going to learn naughty things from naughty kids. I panic that I can’t be there to protect him. He’s going to experience the hurt, pain, and frustration that comes with kids and school. I panic that my little guy is growing up and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I never thought I’d be this kind of mom. I thought I’d be relieved when my kids headed out the door to school and I had the day to myself. But I can guarantee you, come August 20^th, I’ll be bawling my eyes out.