"Tangled" Emotions

We threw away the binkies tonight. We've been talking about it for months. Maybe years. While Kevin was in Afghanistan, our conversations would go something like this:

Kevin: "Is Marie potty-trained yet?"
Me: "Nope. We're waiting for you to get home."

(Next day)

Kevin: "Have we gotten rid of the binkies yet?"
Me: "Nope. We're waiting for you to get home."

(Next day)

Kevin: "Have you gotten rid of the binkies yet? Maybe decided to potty train?"
Me: "Nope. I'm saving it for you when you get home."

Really, there's been talk of this dreaded day for months and months. After all, Marie's almost three. We've limited it to only bedtime, but once in awhile, she'd happen upon the contraband (binky) and I'd find her holed up in a closet, or behind a chair, furiously sucking and hoping that mom wouldn't catch her. It was an addiction. She would spy that little green binky and visibly start shaking in excitement.

And let's not talk about the giant gap between her two front teeth, caused by the little green monster. It's so big that she continually walks around, proudly showing off her "lost tooth." Yes, the gap is big enough to fit an extra tooth in there.

What this all boils down to, is that there were many reasons to get rid of the binky. But there was one giant reason to keep it, to ignore all of those other reasons. She's such a good sleeper/napper! The minute we took away Kyle's binky, the naps stopped.

But even knowing our fate, we decided to forge ahead. Marie was won over by a Repunzel dress-up dress. And with visions of that, she bravely threw her binkies in the garbage (in a clean garbage bag so they wouldn't get "disgusting").

And last night I held her before bed, singing and rocking her, as she sniffled and learned to go to sleep without her favorite accessory. And as she sucked on her lip, my heart broke just a little bit. Three years of binky bliss, and we just ripped it away. Poor thing. And my heart broke just a little bit for myself. That binky was the last thing that made her my baby. Now, I just have a potty-trained, self-sufficient, adult-speaking, sassy little girl who's getting way too big, way too fast.

But I know the battle's not over yet. I may have almost given in as she begged me, sobbing, to "take the 'Punzle dress back to the store" and give her the binky. And remember the fear of no naps? Oh yes. Three days of no binky, and three days of no nap. If that's not enough to make someone reconsider, I don't know what is.